You're inside my head now... keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times.
Jessica Williams and Travon (one of the staff writers) do it again!
This is why white women can’t be in the natural hair movement
Had to bold that comment
and has anyone mentioned that this has economic implications too? like if you don’t have the money to be able to afford these time consuming and expensive hair regimes… well i don’t think they’d fire you but job security might become lesser. like it specifically targets women of color to put an already socially and economically disadvantaged class at a further disadvantage in the military.
As an Air Force veteran, I’d just like to make a clarification on that last comment; since this is talking about the military, you most definitely would have to worry about your job security - if the military deems something “approved” or “disapproved”, military members are given no option but to fall in line immediately, or face disciplinary action.
The US military has very strict codes on not only your appearance, weight, grooming, haircut, fingernail length and what clothing you wear while on duty, but also even how that clothing is worn and how it looks on you.
In the Air Force, that set of rules is called AFI 36-2903. To give you an idea of how serious they take that topic? That one document, pertaining ONLY to your grooming, appearance and wearing your uniform, is 180 pages long.
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
I always need this on my blog.
I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.
it bothers me that Kansas and Arkansas are not pronounced the same
I’m from the UK and I have been pronouncing Arkansas as Ar-Kansas my whole life
For all my non-american friends, Arkansas is pronounced ark-an-saw
The story gets more convoluted… and you can thank the melting pot that is the U.S.A. for this situation.
Arkansas was once spelled Arkansaw, when it was just a territory. However, the two senators from the newly-forming territory couldn’t agree on the spelling or the pronunciation — so they made an amicable agreement; one was allowed to choose the official spelling, while the other chose the official pronunciation… and that’s how Arkansas ended up being spelled as if it was are-KAN-zuhss, but yet is pronounced ARK-en-saw. (The state of Kansas wasn’t even founded until 20 some-odd years after Arkansas was ratified as a state.)
Arkansas and Kansas take their names from two different Native American tribes; for Arkansas, it was the Quapaw (akakaze) tribe (spoken quickly with an Anglo-French accent, and a silent plural “s” thrown in for good measure at the end, apparently ~laughs~). Kansas, on the other hand, is an Americanized spelling of a different Native American tribe - kanza, for the Kaw tribe - with a sounded plural “s” at the end.
Now, to really mess with things?
1) People from Kansas are called Kansans (KAN-zens)… and people from Arkansas? They’re called Arkansans (are-KAN-zens).
2) The name of the Arkansas River - which flows through the states of Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, and Arkansas - is pronounced just like the state is… well, except for a lot of people in Kansas, who steadfastly pronounce it as the ar-KAN-zuhss river.
3) Folks in Arkansas were so annoyed with people saying their state name wrong, that they actually passed a law regarding it’s pronunciation - this is from that legislation, in 1947: "Be it therefore resolved by both houses of the General Assembly, that the only true pronunciation of the name of the state, in the opinion of this body, is that received by the French from the native Indians and committed to writing in the French word representing the sound. It should be pronounced in three (3) syllables, with the final "s" silent, the "a" in each syllable with the Italian sound, and the accent on the first and last syllables. The pronunciation with the accent on the second syllable with the sound of "a" in "man" and the sounding of the terminal "s" is an innovation to be discouraged."
I have not received a dress based of my tumblr.
I have not received my pin pal.
I have not received my character based off my blog.
I have not received a picture of the book or the wall you wrote my URL on.
I HAVE been lied to.
I never even got that “doot doot”